


Even Angels

by mysticdazai



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: I still don't understand tagging, Mentions of Suicide, Other, RFA Party (Mystic Messenger), References to Depression, Saeran just wants to help her, Suicidal MC, Suicide Attempt, depressed mc, no route, they all love her
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:01:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25626340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysticdazai/pseuds/mysticdazai
Summary: It was a shame really; they didn't see her mood deteriorate as the night continued on. They only saw the smile on her face. She had mastered this mask; it hadn't faltered once throughout the night. But her eyes screamed for someone to hold her the way she held them when they needed her.She had essentially forced their pain out of them, cleansing their souls as she took on their pain, their burden. She felt like she had lost a part of herself whenever she helped a member, her happiness transferring onto them. It was better this way, at least they were all happy. She didn't mind the torture and pain she was putting herself through...That is until it became too much.
Comments: 20
Kudos: 42





	1. The Party

Her face beamed as she entered the room, filling the large venue with light. Each member stopped in their place as they look over at her. She had only been in their life, just short of a month and she already made large impacts on each person’s life.

She had helped them in their darkest times and all of them, couldn't help but develop some form of feelings for her. They all had come to the mutual agreement however, that they would all treat her equally, jealousy between the members was not permitted. 

She almost glided as she walked towards them, her bright blue eyes looking amongst the members who had made their way to her. Although they have met multiple times now, her impact remained the same as when they first laid their eyes on her. 

She truly was a gift from above, from the heavens most of them deeply relied on. But all members became dependent on the girl who stood in front of them. 

She had worn a simple red dress that held her curves closely. The dress trailed behind her slightly as she walked. Her hair fell in front of her face slightly as she wore it out. She had curled it loosely and it placed itself elegantly around her face and shoulders. 

She had grown her hair out longer compared to what she was used to, it now sat below her waist, where she was used to hair just above her shoulders. However, she had been in the process of growing it out when she joined the RFA and they only encouraged her to continue letting her hair to grow. She looked angelic as her pale brown locks fell around her figure.

She addressed each member individually, pulling them into a tight hug each as she greeted them. Each member was reluctant to release her hug, but they had to follow the moral contract between them all. 

She looked as though she had never experienced an ounce of pain in her life, her smile told a story of innocent joy, similar to that of a child. However, it was her eyes that told the truth. But no member had read the story closely enough to understand the emotions she hid behind the smile that sat upon her face.

It was a shame really; they didn't see her mood deteriorate as the night continued. They only saw the smile on her face. She had mastered this mask; it hadn't faltered once throughout the night. But her eyes screamed for someone to hold her the way she held them when they needed her. 

She had essentially forced their pain out of them, cleansing their souls as she took on their pain, their burden. She felt like she had lost a part of herself whenever she helped a member, her happiness transferring onto them. It was better this way, at least they were all happy. She didn't mind the torture and pain she was putting herself through...

That is until it became too much. 

She found herself on the balcony of the venue, deciding she needed a small break from all of the fake happiness she spread throughout the room. She thought about how much easier it would be to not feel pain, how much easier the void would be to accept. 

Before she knew it, her high-heels were in her hand and she stood on the edge of the railing on the balcony, looking down at the drop in front of her. 

Her mask cracked as tears filled her eyes. She wanted to scream, cry and breakdown, but only a few tears slipped from her eyes as the overwhelming feeling of being unable to breathe took over. She couldn't take it any longer, could she? She struggled to swallow down a sob that threatened to erupt from her throat as another single tear fell. 

The concrete below her called her name, she closed her eyes, embracing the darkness that was hidden behind her eyelids. Her face held a real smile, for the first time in almost a month. She loved them, but they didn't recognise her pain. 

She could feel her body sway in the cold wind, her body threatening to fall over the edge at any moment. All she could hear was the howling wind and the screaming of the concrete below, begging for her life to be taken by it. 

She began to outstretch her arms and lean forward when she was harshly pulled back to reality by arms around her waist, loud sobs following and screams for help as she was pulled down from the railing and made to sit in the ground. 

She didn't bother to look at the person who pulled her down. She wasn't grateful, she suddenly was full of hate and rage. 

She didn't bother to hold back the angry sobs that fell from her lips as she struggled against the arms around her waist, trying to get up and run to her demise. 

She screamed out words of hatred and deeply held sadness as someone sat in front of her. She couldn't see who, she saw anger. Nobody could make her stay in a world she didn't want to live in anymore. 

She thrashed around, kicking and screaming, not even satisfied by the hits she landed on the people holding her down. 

Her vision blurred with fiery tears as she became still, her body completely worn out from the fight she had put up. Quiet pleas of release fell from her lips as she brought her knees to her chest, burying her face in them.

The group watched her body relax as she eventually passed onto a peaceful sleep. They shared looks amongst themselves, silently agreeing to quickly wrap up the party and take the now, sleeping girl, somewhere safe. 

That is how they all ended up at her apartment, people scattered around the place everywhere. 

Fiery red hair was the first thing she noticed when she came to. 

"L-Luciel?" Her voice was raspy and quiet. It hurt to speak and she couldn't quite remember what had happened for her throat to feel so sore, but she could only assume something bad happened. 

She looked around the room to the best of her ability, her body still weighed down by the exhaustion. She noticed that there was not only red hair but raven, chocolate, silver, mint and blonde scattered throughout the room. 

The mint-haired man noticed her awakening before the others had, his eyes shooting open as he nudged the raven-haired man beside him, who woke up confused before looking around to remember where he was. His eyes fell on the girl who was not only being weighed down by her exhaustion but by the red- and blonde-haired men. 

"Are you feeling okay?"

She blinked as she attempted to understand what he had said, a gentle nod was all she could muster up, but it seemed to satisfy the two awake men. 

"Wh-why are you all here, Jihyun? Jumin?" Her voice still came out raspy as she tried to address the two conscious men who were sat on chairs beside each other. 

"We couldn't leave you alone with good conscious... None of us could, not even..." Jihyun paused as he spoke, motioning down to the floor at his feet.

She had managed to muster up some strength to sit up slightly to see what he was referring to. A man with white and pink hair was curled in a ball at Jihyun's feet. 

"Unknown?" her confusion was evident in her raspy tone. 

"Yes… Saeran or as you know him, Unknown... He was the one who found you. He alerted the rest of us to the situation."

"But why is he here? Also, situation?"

"He's here because he cares a lot about you, despite everything he did. He was so scared for you." The shift in the bed led her to where the new voice had come from. 

Jaehee now sat on the end of the bed, just by Luciel's feet. She looked exhausted and stressed. 

"He explained everything to us while you were out. He refuses to leave your side. And he said for your sake, he'll even forgive Luciel."

"Why would he need to forgive Luciel?"

"Now isn't the time for this conversation MC."

She could feel herself grow more frustrated as this conversation carried on. Why couldn't she move properly? What situation was she in? And why couldn't she remember clearly?  
"You must be exhausted; I'll get you a glass of water." Jaehee shuffles out of the room, which alerted the remaining sleeping men to wake up. 

No one spoke until Jaehee came back, handing her the glass of water. She drank it down as quick as she could, feeling like she hadn't been exposed to water in weeks, even though it appeared to only be a mere number of hours. 

"Can someone please tell me what’s going on?" She spoke with purpose but her tone was still gentle, sweet and warm. 

All of them looked to Jihyun, who they all had agreed should explain the situation. The other members were all too emotionally attached, whereas his heart was still with someone else. He could be the most objective about it. 

"Do you want it sweet or honest?"

"Honest." She said as she tried to sit up against the headboard but only failed, sighing out loudly. She felt useless. Luciel and Yoosung helped her sit up, supporting her as she did so she wouldn't experience any sharp pains. 

"Well okay. To put it simply, MC, you attempted to take your own life last night." Jihyun spoke, leaning forward so he could focus on her feature a little better. 

"I did?" She couldn't say she was surprised at the fact she had attempted it. She was more surprised over the fact she had failed. 

"Yes, but Saeran pulled you down before you could fall." His words seemed to flick a switch in her mind as suddenly her memories from only hours ago returned. 

They all watched her carefully as her facial expression didn't change. But only one person noticed her eyes change, they filled with the same anger they held last night as she screamed and struggled against their strength. 

"You did what?" Her words were not laced with the honey they were before, being replaced with malice and poison. 

"I-I couldn't just watch you die."

"So, you would rather force me to live a life I clearly don't want to anymore?"

"MC, we care about you! How could we let you die like that? When we heard Saeran call out to us we all came running. We couldn't let you die." Zen spoke up before the others could manage to, he had found himself standing at the end of the bed with Jaehee. 

"So, you are keeping me here for your own selfish reasons? I don't want to be alive anymore, what will it take to get it thro- ouch" She cut off her own tangent as her head swelled in pain, her hand shooting up to hold it. 

"I’m sorry... You're right I shouldn't have saved you. But I was too weak."

"Saeran don't say that. She's not okay at the moment and doesn't mean it okay?" Jihyun's words seemed to calm the visibly upset Saeran. 

She leaned forward slightly, both hands clamped tightly around her head. It was at this moment she wished the void would embrace her and suck her into a lifeless state. 

"We are going to help you MC. We're sorry we didn't do so earlier. You did so much for us and all we did was cause you pain." Luciel gently and cautiously rubbed circles into MC's back. His bright yellow eyes were full of concern for the broken girl that sat beside him. 

They thought of her as an angel, but even angels will have to have their day to fall. To succumb to the desire of the void. Every angel will have its wings clipped. And she thought it was her time, but they didn't.


	2. Where to Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after the attempt.

Her hair had fallen in front of her eyes as she avoided their questioning and concerned looks. Her arms wrapped around herself as an attempt to hide her figure from the group of people in her apartment. 

So far, she spent the day on the couch, curled up in a ball, ignoring their attempts to speak to her. She could only feel anger and exhaustion at this point. She didn't hate these people, she hated they saved her. 

"You would have saved us, right?" Luciel eventually spoke, breaking the silence in the room. 

"Yes... I mean technically I have saved you… just not from that. Also, I feel like I have no other choice but to admit to that right now." her voice was really quiet, also muffled by the arm she now planted over her face to avoid their eyes. 

"Just, please try to understand... We didn't do it because we meant it in a bad way, we did it because we love you..."

Her eyes filled with tears as she attempted to hold herself together, slowly sitting up to look around the room.

"I don't deserve it." Her tone was firm as she spoke, the tears in her eyes betraying her cold front. 

She was shattered and they had failed to notice sooner, all too wrapped up in their own issues to care for their newest member. 

They had all come to the realisation that they could not leave her alone for too long, knowing she would only attempt again. The emotional wound is still fresh and until she spoke to a professional, they could not confirm she was in good enough condition to leave her alone. 

Jumin requested Jaehee to book the girl an appointment with a therapist as soon as humanly possible. They needed to solve the issue whilst it is fresh, or she may never recover. 

Even as broken as she appeared, they could still sense her caring energy as she spoke. 

"Have you all eaten? You all look like shit."

"We haven't eaten, no."

"Please, go home. Eat, shower and get a night of proper sleep. I don't need babysitters."

"I'm not going back until I know you're okay... Please, let me stay..." Saeran’s voice was weak as he spoke, pleading with his eyes to her. 

She let out a sigh, shifting to try and get off the couch, moving slowly.   
"I can't stop you all from staying, but this apartment isn't huge, so it would be better for everyone if at least some of you went home." She spoke as she shuffled to the bathroom. 

"I'm going to shower. You can stay or leave; I don't care anymore. But at least go get something to eat for yourselves."

They couldn't believe that even in her condition, she was still insisting on them maintaining their health. They made her like this without meaning to, and she still wanted the best for them.

Jumin looks over at Jaehee who tilted her head in slight confusion. 

"Help her shower, she is in no condition-"

Jumin was cut off by the bathroom door slamming shut, they all frowned as they heard the door click behind mc. She locked it. 

"If you don't want help, you have 5 minutes from when the water turns on. If you are not out by then I will personally be coming in there." 

They heard the door click again before it slowly opened to reveal her face. 

"I'll leave the door slightly open if you don't trust me."

"It's not that we don't trust you. We don't trust your well-being."

"Same difference," she remarks before shutting the door a little again so they couldn't see her, but could see into the bathroom slightly. 

Once they heard the water turn on, they all discussed food and arrangements. Jumin and Luciel left to retrieve food for them all, as well as fresh clothes for those who needed something more comfortable to change into. 

Saeran and Jihyun were discussing personal issues whilst Yoosung and Zen were playing card games. Jaehee stood outside of the bathroom door, listening out for the girl showering. 

A frown formed on her face as she hears silence beside the occasional sigh of annoyance and the running water. She remembers a conversation she shared with mc after the last party. 

She had admitted to singing in the shower every time she was in there. It was her way of expressing her emotions.the lack of singing from mc, made Jaehee sad. 

She couldn't find a song to express her feelings at this time, therefore, she resulted in being silent. She stood still for a while, just letting the water hit her sore skin. 

She held back whimpers as she studies the bruises that were forming on her arms and ribs. She could tell she must have put up more of a fight than she remembered. The bruises were all fresh and even the water that hit them, caused them to throb in pain. 

She closed her eyes and breathed heavily as she centred herself. She needed to apologise to them, she had no right to react the way she did. No matter how angry she was, she should never have taken it out on them. They cared… right?

Would they forgive her?

Once she was finished, she wrapped herself in a towel and peeked her head out the door. 

"Uhm... Can you please get me some new clothes please, Jaehee? Sorry to inconvenience you."

Jaehee was slightly taken aback by the all-to-familiar tone mc had. She sounded like her usual self. She blinked softly before going to mc's closet and getting her a new outfit, bringing it back to the bathroom. 

"MC, I have your clothes." Jaehee handed mc the clothes, smiling warmly. 

"Thank you so much... Uh, Jaehee?"

"Yes?" 

"I know I said I didn't need help... But can you help me out? I don't think I have the strength to put my clothes on properly."

"Of course!"

As Jaehee slipped into the bathroom, she shut the door properly, causing Saeran to frown. They agreed to keep it open. 

"Saeran, I'm so grateful you forgave me... I did not intend for this to happen for you."

"Even after everything, your fiancé put me through… Even though she only told me not to trust you and that you were a liar… I believe you... I saw how broken Saeyoung was... You had no idea what she did to us. He especially didn't know what Rika did when he left. I know you wouldn't have let him go if you knew..."

"You're right Saeran. Thank you for understanding. I know you are trying to understand for the sake of mc, I don't care for your reasonings, I'm happy you forgave Luciel. He did not mean for things to turn out the way they did."

Saeran nodded his head, his eyes still focused on the bathroom door. He was relieved when it opened, Jaehee helping mc to a seat to sit on. 

He noticed the smile on her face, but frowned at the still empty-seeming eyes she attempted to hide. She seemed to have an attitude change as she spoke to Hyun, Jaehee and Yoosung. 

She laughed gently at the teasing words of Hyun aimed at Yoosung, before pouting dramatically. 

"Don't be mean, Zen~" she dragged out her words as she smiled warmly. 

"Seems like she's feeling a little better."

"She's not, she just has mastered the mask. You didn't notice before, she wants to make sure you don't again. But I see."

Jihyun smiled proudly at Saeran’s words. He was right, she was putting on her mask. However, she was feeling better. She wasn't angry anymore.

Jihyun studied her body language to the best of his ability, noticing as she subtly prodded at her skin, picking at it with her nails, making indentations. He looked at Saeran, noticing he too, was subconsciously picking at the skin on his hand. 

"Saeran... I don't want you to go back to Magenta... Stay here. With the RFA, with her..."

These words caused Saeran to look at the blue-haired man. He frowned slightly, continuing to pick at his skin and the scars on his arms. 

"I don't want to regret leaving her side if you all cannot look after her properly... So, I will stay. I want to save her."

"I know… Good boy, Saeran..." 

Jihyun hesitantly petted Saeran’s hair before retracting his hand and walking over to the group. Saeran was surprised by the hand on his hair, watching the man leave his side. Did he just pet me?

Saeran watched the girl closely, seeing how she interacted with the others. He noticed her body go stiff when Luciel and Jumin returned with a variety of food, snacks and drinks. As Luciel stood next to her, Saeran notices her shuffle away. It was so slight anyone would have missed it, but he was watching her every movement. They didn't see it because she didn't want them to. She had complete control over her emotions. 

At least that's what Saeran concluded.

The group sat around and enjoyed the food they had brought, almost complete silence falling amongst the group. If it wasn’t for the chewing, breathing and moving around, there would be no noise whatsoever. 

Saeran and Jaehee were the only ones who noticed the lack of food she was eating. She had been picking at the same piece of chicken for 10 minutes now. Jaehee wanted to inquire about it, but she knew better. It wasn’t the right time.

Saeran just watched, nibbling on his own food. He tried to read her body language, understanding that she was uncomfortable with the situation. He felt subtle guilt bubble away at his gut. He was too weak to save her before it got to this point, he knew it would happen… yet, he couldn’t save her. 

Once the food was finished and disposed of, Jumin announced his departure. He promised to visit when his schedule allowed him to. 

Seven discussed arrangements for her, saying that living alone wasn’t an option for her right now, despite her protests. 

Jaehee couldn’t stay full-time due to her work for Jumin, but was more than happy to sleep at the apartment. 

Yoosung and Zen’s schedules were irregular and would make it hard for them to be around frequently, but promise to drop in as much as physically possible. 

Seven grumbled about work, also saying he wouldn’t be able to be around too often. So, Saeran said he’d stay, to which v agreed, saying his schedule was free so he could stay. 

So, Jaehee would only sleep at the apartment, and Saeran would stay there until she healed and the rest would drop in at any given chance. 

She hated it. She wanted to be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a filler chapter before I start getting into the thick of the plot. I hope it was enjoyable either way.  
> Thanks for reading.


	3. thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a week has passed and MC is in her own head.

A week had passed, not much had happened, just usual routine check-ups. Yoosung and Zen had been frequently coming around throughout the week. Zen bragged about his rehearsals, whilst Yoosung whined about school. Jumin had visited once with Elizabeth the 3rd, who immediately took a liking to mc. Luciel hadn’t had the chance to come around, opting to call her when he took short breaks. She usually just ended up putting the phone on speaker and allowing Jihyun and the twins to discuss their pasts.

They were all happy to see that she was improving, she seemed in control of herself, therefore, they were willing to give her the benefit of the doubt for now. 

She had started being allowed in rooms by herself, including showering. Jihyun had locked the medicine cabinet so they could control the medication she was taking and when. 

She hated it, all of it. She wanted them gone, she didn't want them around anymore. They were suffocating her, just barely letting her out of their grips. She wanted to be free, an angel, but they were forcing her to the ground, forcing her to remain human. They had clipped her wings and kept them locked away, just out of reach.

Throughout the past week she noticed the slight changes in Saeran’s behaviour, the anger he held would flare up but calmed when he watched her react. She wasn't sure what he was going through and nobody was telling her anything, just saying it wasn't the right time. It frustrated her. 

She walked out of the bedroom, noticing that Jaehee wasn't around and that Jihyun was making himself some food. She frowned when she couldn't see saeran, but just walked over to her usual seat by the window. She stared out at the ground below. A fall from here... That was the dream. 

Jihyun stopped his movements as he watched her cautiously. Saeran usually sits with her in the day, but Seven had decided to take his brother for ice cream and a catch up today. Jihyun was worried about the two boys, he wanted them to make up... He wanted saeran to truely forgive Seven, but it wasn't his place to interfere further than he has. 

He watched as the girl places her hand on the window as a small smile creeps onto her face. He wanted to know what she was thinking, why the sadness in her eyes was overshadowed by the smile that usually sat on her face. 

Her mask was perfected, crafted by the gods. Everything about it, to the degree of her upturned lips told a convincing story. A story that she was okay, that she was happy. They knew now that it was a story and nothing more, a tale of fiction that drew people in with its plot line. 

Lately, he wished he was able to focus on her from afar, his eyesight getting worse by the day. Only when she was close enough, could he see the faults in the mask. The large cracks were not completely healed from her outburst, her attempt. It had left smaller cracks all over the mask she put on. 

She attempted to heal the final cracks, so she could have her perfect mask back, but they were too deep. They burnt hot with the true sadness she experienced, the cracks forcing her to reveal herself every so slightly.

****

“What are you making, Jihyun.” He didn’t even notice that her attention had turned to him, until she spoke.

He looks down at his pathetic excuse for eggs that sat upon a slice of toast. He chuckled gently before looking back up at the girl.

“Well, i thought i’d do a better job of it, but it’s eggs and toast. Would you like some? I can make some more... I’ll try harder to make sure they are done well?” At his words, she smiled ever so slightly, shaking her head.

“No i’m okay thank you… i’m not hungry.” She said as she looked out the window again.

“You should eat, mc, not because you’re hungry but for the sake of your health.” He frowned slightly as she shook her head, rolling her eyes at his words.

“I’d rather not, thank you for the offer though.” She was now facing away from him completely. She was still looking outside, her eyes glazed over as she was caught in her own thoughts.

She didn’t want them around anymore and the only way she could think of forcing them out so she had enough time… alone, was by pushing them away emotionally. Breaking down their walls further and using their weaknesses against them… but she wasn’t that sort of person, she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Her heart ached with emptiness as she desperately clung to her moral compass, not wanting to stray further away from who she was. She had changed enough throughout her time in the rfa, she wanted to at least keep her morals in tact, something consistent that could keep her together if all else failed.

She turned to Jihyun again, watching him struggle with cleaning the area he had messed up during his cooking attempt. She can’t say she had any major opinions on the man. not knowing who he truly was as a person made him seem unapproachable and untrustworthy. She had gained her opinions on the other members very quickly, due to being their personal therapists, even though it was against her will.

She liked them all, she had places in her heart for all of them, minus Jihyun and Saeran. She found it hard to be around Saeran, but it was becoming apart of her routine to have him in the same apartment as her. Him not being there immediately threw her off, but she can’t say it was a complete negative.

She wonders if he had returned to Mint Eye, finally giving up on her. She wanted that to be the truth, because if he gave up so quick, maybe the others would too, allowing her to slip through their fingers for good.

Jihyun sat at the table, shifting slightly under her stare. She wasn’t staring at him, rather, her eyes were just following him around as she allowed herself to be trapped by her thoughts. She needed to be alone, to find a way to make him leave.

“Jihyun?”

“Yes MC?”

“I need you to do me a favour today.” At this, Jihyun frowned, placing the utensils in his hands down and looking at her curiously.

“Depends on what it is.” She blinked at him as he spoke, quickly making up some sort of plausible excuse for him to leave the apartment.

“I just started my period and I don’t have painkillers nor tampons.” She deadpanned; an awkward smile plastered on her face as she scratched her neck.

“I’ll call Jaehee-“

“No!” She blurred out; her eyes wide. He closed his mouth and just stared at her. Her eyes flicked around the room nervously as her breath picked up.

“Sh-she’s at work though! And I need them pretty desperately.”

“That’s okay, I’ll call someone else.”

“No! Jihyun, I don’t trust the others to know what they are looking for! You had a fiancé. You surely know what tampons are and which ones you should buy… right?” He sighed, nodding his head reluctantly.

“Fine MC. I will finish my food and go to the store at the end of your street to get them.” She nodded her head in relief, her hand going to her chest to calm her raving heart. She didn’t like lying so obviously like this, but she had to.

“Thank you, I trust you to do this for me… you’re the only one.”

“Okay MC. If I must.”

Yes… finally. _I will be alone again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!  
> i know this took a while to get out but i do have another story in the making whilst i write this one. The other story, alongside university work, is my priority and will focus on them above this stroy. However, i will continue writing this story because i do have plans for it, i just cannot promise a stable and consistent release schedule.   
> Thank you again for reading. i always love recieving comments and feedback so feel free to leave a comment.   
> See you next chapter :)


	4. attempt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She is finally alone, deciding now to be her only chance.   
> Saeran and Seven are bonding???   
> Jihyun just wants to help people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// this chapter involves MC throwing up, suicide attempt and violence.
> 
> Read ahead if these do not bother you, but if any of these make you uncomfortable there will be a summary in the end notes.

****

“I won’t be long, MC. Saeran should be coming back soon… Also, remember Yoosung is coming here with Jaehee and he’s staying the night.” Jihyun says, standing besides the door, looking back at MC.

MC turns to look at Jihyun, nodding her head before turning her attention back to the window. “I remember. Thanks again, V.” She speaks, her tone gentle as she spoke.

Jihyun sighed and nodded. “I’ll be back soon.” He stated before exiting out of the door and locking it behind him. MC waits to hear the elevator chime, pausing for a further minute before she looks back at the door.

Once she knows Jihyun would be in the elevator, she scrambled out of her seat and rushes to the kitchen. She is unsure of how much time she has, so she decides to move quickly while she has the chance. The bubbles of self-hatred simmering in her gut excitedly. The whispers of death growing louder in her mind as she picks up a kitchen knife and a hair pin Yoosung had left last time he was here.

She smiles at the objects in her hands and walks swiftly to the bathroom. She didn’t bother to shut the door, attention focused on unlocking the cabinet in front of her. She places the hairpin in her mouth, so she can hold the padlock on the door in her free hand. She wasn’t sure if the knife would work and therefore was counting on the hair pin to finish the job.

She attempted to push the knife into the padlock, groaning in frustration as it doesn’t work. She slams the knife into the ground and holds the hair pin in her hand. Her hands were shaking with anticipation as a smile appeared on her face, the pin going straight into the padlock. She wiggles it around for a while before she hears the click, the lock becoming loose. She gasps, pulling the lock off and placing it in the sink.

She swings the cabinet door open, all of her medication lined up, exactly as she left it. “Thank you, V.” She whispers, both thankful for the state of her medication, but also being gullible enough to leave her alone.

Meanwhile, Seven stops the car, turning to his brother, who was looking out the window of the car. “Thanks for coming with me today Saeran… I’m so grateful to see you again…” he mutters, a sad smile sat on his face.

Saeran nods his head, taking his seatbelt off, still looking out the window. “Yeah… uh… do you want to come up and see MC?” Saeran asks, finally turning to look at his twin.

“I suppose I should, I haven’t visited yet, I feel a little guilty…” Seven says, taking his own seatbelt off and taking the keys out of the ignition. “Let’s head up then?” He asks, opening his car door and getting out.

Saeran sighs softly and moves to get out as well, looking down at his palms. He frowns at the sight of slightly bloodied marks from where he had been holding himself together so he wouldn’t attack his brother. Saeran closes the door behind him once he’s out and starts walking into the building without a word.

Seven rushes to follow his twin, following him into the elevator and standing on the opposite side as they ride it to MC’s floor. “How has she been? I haven’t asked…” Seven asks, feeling bad for not asking throughout the day, but he figured it was more important to get to know the new Saeran.

“I can’t tell… she’s really closed off but she still has sadness in her eyes. She seems close to Jaehee. I don’t think she trusts me nor V… she just… is distant.” Saeran speaks, his voice quiet as he stares down at his palms.

“I understand… I hope she’s feeling better. Has she started seeing a therapist yet?” Seven doesn’t take his eyes off his twin even as the elevator doors open and the two men step out.

“No she hasn’t.” Saeran deadpans, walking over to MC’s apartment door and inputting the code to get back in.

As he swings the door open, he notices that she isn’t sitting in front of the window where she usually is and that there is no Jihyun in sight, his shoes gone, but hers remaining. “MC?” Saeran calls, looking around the apartment. Not in the living room, kitchen or bedroom. That only left the bathroom.

Saeran pushes the already open door, making it bump against the wall. “You’re here…?” MC’s voice is weak, her eyes pale and her hands shaking as she looks up at the twins in the doorway. “I thought I still had time…” she whispers, her eyes flicking to the open medicine cabinet and then back to the twins, smiling warmly. “Don’t worry, I’m totally fi…” her words trail off as her body collapses in the bathtub.

Seven’s eyes had landed on the empty pill bottles on the floor next to the bathtub where she lay. Medicine he knows should not be empty nor taken in large quantities. It had to come up, she had to throw it all up before it hit her system. “Fuck.” He swore under his breath, taking in a deep breath. He had to get it out of her.

Seven pushed Saeran out of the way and immediately rushed into action. Saeran stood frozen in the doorway, watching his twin climb into the bathtub and holding MC up against his chest, forcing her to sit up. He grunts as he turns the tap on, the cold shower water falling on both of them. “Don’t hate me for this, MC…” Seven mumbles, tapping her cheek and sighing a breath of relief as her eyes open and she groans.

“Stay awake MC, how many did you take?” He asks, taking two fingers and shoving them down her open mouth. Her throat constricts as she gags around his fingers, the bile and medicine, rushing out from her stomach and into the bathtub. She coughs around his fingers, but he winces, keeping them down as she keeps throwing up the contents of her stomach.

At this point, Saeran had to turn away, covering his mouth as he listened to her cry and cough. He heard his twin counting out loud, before asking MC how many she took. He heard her weak voice call out the number. “30.” Her voice was raspy as Seven removed his fingers from her mouth.

“Okay, okay. Stay with me while I count. I need to make sure they are all out of your system. Stay awake MC…. Two. Seven. Ten. Fifteen. Nineteen. Twenty-Three. Twenty-Eight. Okay shit, just two more. One more time MC, I’m so sorry.” Seven winced, his fingers moving to her mouth before she stopped him and sighed, bringing her own fingers up and throwing up the remaining of the medicine.

Once Seven knew it was all out and into the bathtub he stood up and climbed out of the bathtub, lifting her up to sit against the side of it as he washed the vomit down the drain, turning the water off then wrapping her shaking body in a towel.

“You can’t sleep, you need to stay awake, no matter how bad you want it. If you go to sleep I’ll be forced to wake you up or put you in hospital. Understood?” Seven’s voice was serious, but caring as he held her shoulders. She looked up at him before weakly nodding her head.

“Saeran, can you get her a change of clothes? Me too if there is anything. And I mean anything.” Seven calls out to his brother who still wasn’t look at the bathroom.

Saeran nods his head, swiftly rushing into her bedroom to dig for two outfits. He managed to put two outfits together quickly and rushed back to the bathroom. “Here.” He holds the folded clothes out to Saeyoung, who smiles gently and takes it from him.

“Now MC, I know this might be uncomfortable but I need to change you okay? Just stay with me, okay?” Saeyoung says, placing the clothes onto the basin and moves to crouch in front of the girl. MC allows tears to slip from her eyes again as she nods. “Okay…” she whispers back and holds her arms up so Saeyoung can easily take her shirt off.

Once changed, Saeyoung asks Saeran to take MC out of the bathroom so he can clean up then change, the younger twin nodding and helping MC up and out to the living room. He sits her down and awkwardly crouches in front of her. “Why?” He whispers, trying to meet her eyes. MC shakes her head and continues to stare out the window. “It doesn’t matter. I failed again. I can’t do anything right… I can’t even kill myself right.” Her voice trembled as she spoke, tears sliding down her face.

Saeran was about to say something when the front door swung open. “I got the… what’s happened?” Jihyun noticed the sad look on Saeran’s face and the tears tuning down MC’s. Saeyoung walks out of the bathroom, now wearing tight black sweatpants and a crop top. “I don’t know about you, but I think I should wear more women’s clothing.” Saeyoung rather doesn’t notice Jihyun or just choose to ignore him as he looks at MC, motioning to his outfit.

MC’s eyes drag over his figure before she curtly nods. “You can have my clothes.” She states simply, turning back to the window. “Don’t be silly, MC, you will need them.” Saeyoung says, waving his hand dismissively. MC’s hands ball into fists as she clenches her jaw. “I wouldn’t need them if I was dead.” She whispered, just barely audible but Saeran heard it, his eyes snapping to look at her. “Don’t say things like that, MC.” His voice is stern as he frowns at her.

“What does it matter to you what I do? You’re the one who lead me to these people, are you not? If it wasn’t for you, I might be happy.” Her eyes held the same hate they had on the night of her first attempt. Saeran winced at her words and Saeyoung frowned. “Don’t say that, it’s not his fault.” Saeyoung walks to his brother and places a hand on his shoulder. “You can’t tell me he wasn’t the one that started this downward cycle of pain. Each of you played your role as well.” She huffs and stands, walking past the twins and over to Jihyun. “Thank you for getting me these.” She said and takes the bag from him before retreating to her room.

“Okay what on earth happened?” Jihyun stood confused, looking at the defeated Saeran and sad Saeyoung. “She tried it again. Took 30 pills.” Saeyoung answers, looking down at his brother. He could recognise the look of pure rage forming in those piercing mint eyes, his hands clenching by his side. Saeyoung doesn’t have time to react as Saeran surges forward and takes V by the neck, pushing him against the closed door. The older of the group grabs at Saeran’s wrists, his eyes wide with undistinguishable emotions.

“You were meant to look after her while I was gone! Can’t you do anything right? Did you do this shit to the Saviour aswell? Is that why she hates you so? You deserve to feel the pain that angel has! It’s not fair that you always get away with the pain you cause others!” Saeran’s voice was frantic with rage as his grip on the mint-haired man’s neck tightens. V struggles for air, trying to force the boy off of him. V meet’s Saeyoung’s eyes, who is frozen in place. The redhead recognise a pleading look in the eyes meeting his, and he wakes up to himself, grabbing his twin by the shoulders and forcing him away from V.

“Fighting isn’t going to solve fucking anything! Sit down and talk about it like the adults you are! I’m going to bring MC out here and we are going to talk about this. Got it?” Saeran slightly calms down at the mention of the girl. The twins try to ignore V’s gasps for air as he tries to fill his lungs with precious oxygen.

“I’ll go get her… then please, let’s talk about this…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who didn’t read: MC attempted her life using medication and the twins came back to find her barely conscious. Saeyoung makes her throw the medication up, attempting to prevent her attempt from working. Saeyoung gets her cleaned up while Jihyun (V) returns.   
> Saeran and Jihyun end up arguing and Saeran attacks Jihyun. Saeyoung pulls them apart. 
> 
> The chapter finishes with Saeyoung going to get MC so they can discuss the situation. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, I’m sorry this update took so long, nothing I wrote ended up being what I wanted. This story in general isn’t quite going how I expected but I’m working on it! I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless and I hope you look forward to future updates. 
> 
> Thanks again!


	5. Seven Whispers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven goes to collect MC to discuss the issues at hand. But finding her passed out, makes him decide now is the only time he will gather the strength to say what is truely in his mind.

Saeyoung looks down at MC, his hand on her neck as he feels for her pulse. “I really wish you wouldn’t do this MC… but I understand…” his voice comes out weak as he sits the passed out girl up against his chest, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face into her wet hair. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be better for you… it’s all my fault. It’s my fault that Saeran is the way he is… if I hadn’t had left him, he might be okay… I hurt you so badly, broke your heart and expected you to be okay with it… I’m so sorry, I don’t even deserve to be here right now.” Saeyoung feels his eyes fill with tears which he bites back, taking in her scent as he breathes.

“I should wake you up… but you seem so peaceful… I wish I could be a better person to make you happy. I should give you up… but I don’t think I can. I’m a selfish man, MC, and I love you so much. We all do; Jaehee, Jumin, Zen, Yoosung and me… I suspect Saeran cares for you in his own way and V looks at you like he does me… like you are his own child. Please lean on us, MC. Let us fix this… we’ll be better but please don’t hurt yourself anymore…” Saeyoung sighs, wishing he had the guts to tell her this when she is conscious. He shakes his head and shuts his eyes tightly. “I… can’t make… any promises… but… I don’t like seeing you all… so… sad…. I’m sorry…” she whispers, her voice shaking as she speaks, her eyes still closed in her half-conscious state.

Saeyoung holds back a choked sob as he nods his head into her hair, his arms tightening around her ever so slightly. “We need to go talk to the other two before Saeran kills him… is that okay? I know you aren’t exactly great right now but I need to keep watch of you.” She shakes her head at his words, her body tensing up. “You have work, Seven. Go do that, I’ll be okay… I don’t think… I don’t think I’ll try again… at least not for a while… I think I’m scared to die, but I’m terrified to live…” she whispers softly as she curls into herself and therefore Seven. The redhead male nods his head again, placing a gentle kiss on her head. “I understand. Living is hard, but we need to live, your time is not up yet. You have a beautiful life ahead of you, MC.” His words seem to soothe her a little as she finds the strength to sit up properly and away from his chest. “I just feel like I’ve hit rock bottom, Seven… I don’t know if I can keep living like this.”

Saeyoung smiles warmly at her, taking her hands in his. “There is only one way to go from rock bottom, my dear MC. And that’s up. Life will only get better for an angel such as yourself. I know you aren’t necessarily religious, but I truly think God will watch over you and bring you to where you are meant to be. He brought you to us when we needed you, now it’s your turn. Let us take your pain, you need to relax.” Saeyoung caresses her knuckles gently as he speaks, meeting her cloudy eyes. She tries to force a weak smile, nodding her head. “Okay… I’ll try…” she whispers, looking into his warm eyes. “That’s all I can ever ask.” he whispers back, his forehead rested against hers.

Saeyoung sighs ever so gently, pulling away from her to smile brightly. “Now come, we need to discuss things with the others. Imm afraid I may have left them alone for too long already.” She smiles at his words and pulls back from him, trying to stand up on her own, but failing. Saeyoung gets up then picks her up, holding her by her waist as he carries her out to the living room where the other two awaited them.

Saeyoung sits MC down onto one couch and sits besides her, his hand in hers as she holds it desperately; an attempt to keep herself grounded. The look of betrayal in V’s eyes were hard to ignore and the rage in Saeran’s burnt through her fragile soul. Her weak hold on Saeyoung’s hands squeezed as she unwilling ignored the words spilling from moving lips. In this moment she was ignorant, deaf to words spoken to her. All that was in her mind was the kind words Saeyoung shared with her only moments earlier. She needed to keep herself here, she couldn’t fly away yet. Saeyoung said it wasn’t her time, that God would lead her to the right path.

She didn’t know if she believed in God, but as she looked at Saeyoung’s face, she truly felt that maybe she could be lead down the correct path. Not by some God, but by the people she considered friends. The same friends who had hurt her and cut her deep, yes, but that isn’t the point. They cared about her, they will help her now.. They were the _only_ ones that she would trust to walk her down the secure path, straying her from the rocky path she stumbled along. She wishes to hold her head high with a real smile on her face, yet she understands she won’t be at that point for a large amount of time, it is a thought that brings upon a pleasant smile to her lips.

She noticed Saeyoung’s eyes on her, concern written all over his face. She blinks a few times, pulling herself from her thoughts and tuning into her surroundings. “Sorry, I missed that.” She mumbles, her hand slipping from Saeyoung’s hold. He smiles cheerily and nods. “I guessed that. So let me repeat myself.” As he spoke, she focused on each syllable he spoke and how he his lips moved, fighting any remaining drugs in her system. “Do you understand?” She nods at those three words. She did understand, she knew she needed therapy. She hated the thought of it, bile bubbling in her stomach again at the though alone. However, she listened to Saeyoung, he told her it was the best first step towards getting better. “The first step on the better path.” She mutters to him, making him chuckle as nod. “Exactly right, MC.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter really wrote itself however it is much shorter than what I am used to writing.   
> This chapter is a beginning turning point for our lovely MC who just deserves happiness. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter and I’d love to hear from you!! Thanks for reading.


	6. never alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk, they listen.  
> Saeran’s rage is bubbling, stewing away and ready to blow.  
> V knows his mistakes, guilt eats away at him.  
> Saeyoung counts his blessings, knowing he has to save her.  
> And she... she needs rest.

His unfocused mint eyes trailed over her body, trying his hardest to make out the smaller details of her uncomfortable fidgeting. He noted her eyes shutting and opening at a slow place, too long for a blink but too short for a nap. He noted her own unfocused glances, her eyes trailing around the room and looking anywhere but him. He wanted to know why. He wanted to know what she was thinking. However a part of him knew that it wasn’t his business. He already destroyed one person while trying to save them, he knew that, but he wanted to try to save her. The shattered girl sat in front of him, drifting in and out of consciousness as she clung to her friend like a lifeline.

He knew the man glaring at him was nothing short of furious and that seemed to cause enough issues in the room, so he chose not to speak. He allowed Saeyoung to control the conversation as best as he could, explaining what he knew and how they could start fixing it. Saeran was steaming with rage as he stared at the mint-haired man, his eyes dark and hands tightly gripping the fabric of the couch he sat on. Saeyoung tried to keep everything peaceful, holding her hand which he would squeeze whenever she slipped from consciousness. Jihyun knew Saeyoung felt strongly for the girl, they all did, but he worried. He knew someone who couldn’t love themselves should not force themselves to love others. That pattern would only lead to the same destructive path that he travelled down with his beloved. First, she needed to love herself.

Saeyoung rambled about therapy and general health. Eating patterns, medication, exercise and sleep. Everyone listened, nobody protesting against a word he said. He seemed to know enough about the topics he spoke of that the others just agreed. Saeran was in his own head, everyone could see it. He barely focused on the words his brother spoke, only enough to understand the routines they were going to implement for her. V was cautious as he listened, hanging on every word as to not misinterpret the plans. MC however was more focused on keeping herself conscious so she could listen. She tried her hardest, slipping in and out of consciousness where she sat.

She listened to his words, agreeing with what he was saying about her state, knowing it was easier to just agree. Once he finished discussing her health and the recent incident, he patted his lap, smiling warmly at her. “You can sleep now, I’ll monitor you and make sure your pulse continues. We still have much to discuss but you look like you need rest.” His words were kind as he held her hand comfortingly. She gently nodded her head and slowly moved to lay her head on his lap. She didn’t seem to notice Saeran’s rage increase, his hands turning white under his grip on the fabric. In a matter of seconds she was asleep, dreaming of a time before the hurt.

“Now can we discuss the neglect?” Saeran forced the words out of his clenched jaw, eyes now focused on the sleeping girl. Saeyoung looked at V, prompting him to answer. “Yes, I suppose we can. But I would like to explain my perspective before you enrage any further if you would let me.” V spoke carefully, trying to be wary of Saeran’s unstable state. “Go ahead, V.” Saeyoung spoke before Saeran had even opened his mouth, his fingers placed on MC’s neck, tracing her pulse.

“Very well.” V sighed and adjusted his position in his seat. “MC asked me to collect feminine products for her due to her menstration cycle beginning. I was hesitant at first, suggesting Jaehee or someone else to collect them. But she begged me, saying she didn’t want to bother Jaehee at work and that I was the only other one who would understand due to my relationship with Rika…” V trailed off, noticing Saeran flinch at her name. He frowned, pondering what she had truly done to him all these years, he knew the basics but not enough for his reaction to be quite as bad as it was. “She was desperate, and I didn’t think I’d be long, also knowing you two would be arriving shortly. So I agreed and made sure she was alright before making my way to the store. It was so busy when I got there and my sight isn’t as good as it used to be, making it difficult to read the packaging… I feel terrible… I should not have let this happen.” V felt the guilt eat away at him, his hands balling into fists in his lap. “I’m sorry that you had to find her like that because of my neglect. I never should have left her alone.” He stated, looking down at the ground.

“I would have done it even if you were here V… I just would have found other ways around it. I’m sorry” MC speaks sleepily, her eyes still closed as she wraps an arm around Saeyoung’s leg. “Don’t blame him… I manipulated him, attacked his ego and his guilt without him realising it. If you are to blame anyone, it should be me.” Her eyes lazily opened to look around the room quickly as she spoke before she closed them again, drifting back to sleep. “She’s a light sleeper.” Saeyoung observed, noticing her breathing deepen as she slept.

“Seems that way.” V replied, watching the girls arm fall from around Saeyoung’s leg again. “I think she’s just covering for you so we don’t have an argument.” Saeran stood up, looking down at V. “We have to go back to watching her closely until she starts therapy. She’s not getting better.” He mumbles before walking off to the bedroom to collect himself. “I think I might convince Vanderwood to let me move in here for a while… I never leave the house so even if you all need to leave, I can be at least a presence in the apartment.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” V said, adjusting his position on the couch. “Why isn’t it? I’ll always be around.” Seven frowns, the only issue he could see would be the agency now that the hacker wasn’t a threat and was his brother. Ah… the agency… “I guess you’re right.” Seven looks down at her. “I didn’t even think. I was just so scared when I saw her like that. I was so scared that there was no going back, that I wouldn’t be able to save her. But then she looked up at us… I knew I had to save her.” Seven runs his fingers through her hair before looking up at V. “I want to protect her, V. Even if it kills me.”

V nodded his head, smiling gently at the boy in front of him. “I’m proud of you Luciel… I don’t know if I’ve ever said it, but you have become such a strong, responsible young man and I couldn’t be prouder. You overcome so much everyday and you still stand up and fight against it all. If anything, I’m envious, jealous. I wish I had your will, your ability to keep it together. I’m a mess. I couldn’t save Rika and now… I’m afraid I won’t be able to save MC.” V’s words trailed off as he looked down at his hands, a gentle smile on his face. Saeyoung felt a swell of pride in his chest at V’s words. Someone who he had looked up to for so long was proud of him? Saeyoung fought back any emotions threatening to spill over. “Thank you, V… but you do have that will. You are still here, suffering everyday at an injury caused by someone you loved. It was never your fault. Rika walked her own path, hurting you in the process but that doesn’t mean you caused it.” Saeyoung clenched his jaw. “Saeran told me that Rika is his ‘saviour’… that she is the one who did this to him. And for that, I won’t be able to forgive her, regardless of how I felt about her in the past.” V nodded his head and smiled sadly. “I know you thought of her as a motherly figure when you see younger… I’m sorry that it didn’t turn out how it should have.” Saeyoung decided to just nod his head, pushing down any false romantic feelings he held for the blonde woman. She was never his and was never going to be, she had V. He knew that he should never have developed those feelings for her and that is why it has been so easy to move on from her. He had someone much better, even if she wasn’t his yet, he allowed his heart to be held by her. He looked down at MC and smiled gently at the sight. “I won’t let anyone hurt you…” he whispers down at the girl.

Saeran leaned against the door, listening to his brothers words, his face expressionless. His brothers words hurt. He’s a liar. He couldn’t protect Saeran, so how could he protect MC? Saeran brings his hands to his hair, pulling on it as he crouches into a ball. “He can’t protect her… we have to! We can’t be useless bugs anymore. We need to save her, she’s not happy here. She has to get away from them.” Saeran knew he was speaking for Ray but the lack of protest in his head told him he was right. They both knew MC needed protecting from the poisonous lies fed to her by the RFA.

“It’s decided. We leave soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh I know!! It’s been so long since I updated!! I’m so sorry! I had major writers block and didn’t want to release something I wasn’t happy with. I hope you accept this chapter!
> 
> But ooooh big things are happening! Saeran has been holding it together so far, but hints of his anger have been throughout. Look forward to seeing where the story progresses with him. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to comment with your opinions on this fic.
> 
> I honestly feel like MC would not be able to cope if she had to deal with all of their routes in one, which is what I was thinking of when I wrote this fic. 
> 
> I do have other chapters for this story in the writing but it also works as a one-shot until I have written the other chapters to a standard I am happy with. So keep an eye out in the future for more chapters.  
> Thanks for reading :)


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